Saturday, September 22, 2007

list

My many lists/worries/feelings/concerns this month

I am finishing my master's degree this semester.
I have two classes to do homework which is really hard to complete every week.
Comprehensive exams to be taken on Nov. 7th.
Tennis pro job is slow because of classes on Monday and Wednesday which means i'm poor.
I am excited about finishing my degree but very anxious about the next steps

I'm worried about my dad's health and he recently got fired from a job. We think he got fired for two reasons: he wasn't performing enough sales and/or his health has been really bad and they gave him the boot.
My step-mom is stressed out because my dad doesn't help out around the house besides his normal duties and her assistant quit at work so now she never gets anything done.

I'm concerned about my feelings with my boyfriend. I'm not sure if I have a right to be suspicious about his lunches with his EX-WIFE. I don't get it, it bugs me, he knows, doesn't care. I start to suspect the worst, cheating, kissing, and then coming home to me. He doesn't tell me he goes but I somehow get a feeling when he does. I want to know when it's going to be me and him, not me, him and ex. I don't talk to my exes because I don't want to get confused about the good times and think we should never have broken up.

Also I feel like I am comparing myself to everyone lately. I don't feel successful and worry about my next step after graduation. It's normal I know, I've done it before. Jjust like another friend, I feel I lost my spark. My dare, my mouth. I feel like i'm in a rut. I HATE CALIFORNIA. only because I have to work so much to make ends meet and I wouldn't have to in another state. I miss my family, miss traveling. I feel like my boyfriend is happy just being stuck. I'm not.

This is my rant. I just worked out and I'm hungry. I have a ton of shit to do this weekend and all I want is a movie and a boyfriend to hang out with who doesn't have a bag of shit he's not willing to throw away. I should never have moved to California. This is my rant and I'm sticking to it.

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