Friday, August 12, 2005
Why are we fighting?
My boyfriend of almost a year and I have been fighting since we moved to California. I'm not sure what is going on?
Is it me, unsure of my future with him and my career. Is it him getting sick of having to take care of me because I am unfamiliar with the area?
Today, we had a fight on the tennis court, as usual. We are both hot heads, but I am worse. We tend to blow up at each other. I believe you should never blame someone before you blame yourself. I feel he doesn't do that. He is quick to say it was my fault when it was OUR fault.
He later told me, during the fight, that no one likes me at the courts, that I have a horrible attitude, and he is not going to Mexico with me in September. He also said if we didn't live together, he would leave me alone for a couple of days.
Where does this attitude come from. All of a sudden he wants to do things without me and before we did everything together. At least in Philadelphia.
God, I miss my old life. I'm scared I screwed my life sometimes especially living here in California. I wonder if this is the right decision. I hope it is. I think about my decisions everyday. Why wasn't I accepted at my Temple job? Why did I do a lousy job? Why did the Head Coach not respect me? If she didn't like me, why did she hire me? Will I ever coach again? Will I finish my degree in California? Will I become a success?
That is my best question: Will I become a success?
That's what I really want and that means having a decent job that I look forward to and a loving family. My family, I hope, will include Mr. California (my boyfriend).
Is it me, unsure of my future with him and my career. Is it him getting sick of having to take care of me because I am unfamiliar with the area?
Today, we had a fight on the tennis court, as usual. We are both hot heads, but I am worse. We tend to blow up at each other. I believe you should never blame someone before you blame yourself. I feel he doesn't do that. He is quick to say it was my fault when it was OUR fault.
He later told me, during the fight, that no one likes me at the courts, that I have a horrible attitude, and he is not going to Mexico with me in September. He also said if we didn't live together, he would leave me alone for a couple of days.
Where does this attitude come from. All of a sudden he wants to do things without me and before we did everything together. At least in Philadelphia.
God, I miss my old life. I'm scared I screwed my life sometimes especially living here in California. I wonder if this is the right decision. I hope it is. I think about my decisions everyday. Why wasn't I accepted at my Temple job? Why did I do a lousy job? Why did the Head Coach not respect me? If she didn't like me, why did she hire me? Will I ever coach again? Will I finish my degree in California? Will I become a success?
That is my best question: Will I become a success?
That's what I really want and that means having a decent job that I look forward to and a loving family. My family, I hope, will include Mr. California (my boyfriend).
// posted by Mexirican @ 8:40 PM 
