Monday, April 03, 2006
Do I have a right to be angry, feel threatened?
This whole my fucking space.com crap has invaded my home. I get occasional updates from my friend Julie because she has a band. So I go searching for friends in philly and austin and I search Mr. Cali. He has a site, is talking to people from all over the world. who cares, right! well, he also talks to women from the local area. Mind you telling them, they are hot, cutie, beautiful in the middle of the night. All the while I am sleeping in bed because I can't stay up past 12 am. Oh and he says he's single... did he forget the nutzo chick that lives with and sleeps with him, cooks for him, hugs him, and overall loves him? I feel threatened and jealous, maybe I shouldn't but I do. I wonder if he's bored at home with me or needs to just talk sexy to some other female because I don't do that for him. Or what! Why do I have to feel threatened. Why does he have to say he's just being nice. If he's so nice then why does he make every one feel good but makes the person who loves him feel bad.
Then he says I make him feel guilty and he will owe me for life because I supported him financially for almost 8 months. Does he ever consider how hard it was, how I like to feel secure and not live paycheck to paycheck. He goes out and takes out one of those stupid pay day loans because he needs lunch at Subway. I understand the whole comfort thing but I believe you have to live within your budget. He supported me for 3 months and he acted like it was killing him- which I'm sure it was... I wasn't easy to live with since I had no job and kept worrying about finding one and living with his parents was not easy. I felt guilty as hell. I thought us moving in together would be 50-50 but it's not since I sometimes have to cover his half of the bills that are in my name. It's really frustrating and I do love him but I wish we didn't have to fight over the internet bullshit and money. Watch out people who move in together whether you are married or not. You may be all domesticated but sometimes you feel like you should run when it gets tough. you can't. you have to figure it out. Why can't I have friends here in SoCal that I can run to when I'm angry and feel isolated and lost. God forbid we break up then what? What do I do... move on... that would be horrible. these are my thoughts now. I feel so hurt and he's sick of me.
Then he says I make him feel guilty and he will owe me for life because I supported him financially for almost 8 months. Does he ever consider how hard it was, how I like to feel secure and not live paycheck to paycheck. He goes out and takes out one of those stupid pay day loans because he needs lunch at Subway. I understand the whole comfort thing but I believe you have to live within your budget. He supported me for 3 months and he acted like it was killing him- which I'm sure it was... I wasn't easy to live with since I had no job and kept worrying about finding one and living with his parents was not easy. I felt guilty as hell. I thought us moving in together would be 50-50 but it's not since I sometimes have to cover his half of the bills that are in my name. It's really frustrating and I do love him but I wish we didn't have to fight over the internet bullshit and money. Watch out people who move in together whether you are married or not. You may be all domesticated but sometimes you feel like you should run when it gets tough. you can't. you have to figure it out. Why can't I have friends here in SoCal that I can run to when I'm angry and feel isolated and lost. God forbid we break up then what? What do I do... move on... that would be horrible. these are my thoughts now. I feel so hurt and he's sick of me.
// posted by Mexirican @ 11:58 AM 
Comments:
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*hug*
Sounds like some major drama brewing. I'm sorry to say but it's never a good sign when your man is cyber flirting. Ya never know what else he could be doing when you aren't around.
That being said, I wish there was magic words I could tell you to make your fears go away...but unfortunately, only he can build that trust back with you.
All I can say is be strong, and despite all the love you feel for him, you need to love yourself just as hard. Don't take any crap from anyone and always remember, it will work out in the end (somehow)!
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Sounds like some major drama brewing. I'm sorry to say but it's never a good sign when your man is cyber flirting. Ya never know what else he could be doing when you aren't around.
That being said, I wish there was magic words I could tell you to make your fears go away...but unfortunately, only he can build that trust back with you.
All I can say is be strong, and despite all the love you feel for him, you need to love yourself just as hard. Don't take any crap from anyone and always remember, it will work out in the end (somehow)!
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