MEXIRICAN DREAMS

God damit! Fuck! shit! mother fucker!

These are the words in this mouth for the past 3 days. Mr. Cali and I got into a screaming match yesterday. I wasn't going to apologize. Today I got mad about his myspace.com comments again! I shouldn't let the comments bother me. BUT it does. I mean I trust him that he won't cheat, he loves me, but I get jealous. I'm supposed to be the only person he finds attractive. It may be stupid but I don't want to hear about it. I don't even like knowing about his ex. That drove me nuts. I don't like to know he had a life before me. I am self-centered. I am. I feel I have to be to keep me focused. I'm fucked up that way. I never had anyone else rely on me before and I never had to rely on anyone else. I am a loner and possessive of what I love. I don't want to share. I am stomping my feet like the only child I am. I trust him and love him but why does he have to say the cute bullshit. I don't like it, as I sit here pouting waiting for him to come home. I don't want to be reminded how love is so fragile. How he could leave my life one day whether I chose to leave or he did or both.