MEXIRICAN DREAMS

Okay, I've jumped on the USC bandwagon. Did you see that amazing pass Matt did to Reggie? We are on a first name basis now. They are my buddies but they don't know me yet.

The whole time, I was calm that something great was about to happen. They are the comeback team after all. I had faith they would get their butts out of their asses.

Read this article about the coaches' cheerleaders. These people are inspring to me but I do not want that type of pressure coaching job.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/16/fashion/sundaystyles/16WIVES.html

Do you ever first talk to people and right off the bat you notice something different about them? I don't mean their breath stinks or they can't coordinate their outfit. I'm saying there is something different about them. Their jokes aren't normal, they are kind of dark but not in a funny way. They tend to overanalyze situations, enjoy seeing people have difficulties. They like to feel superior to others through their work or life choices. They are smug and can't explain why.

I have a radar for these people. I can tell there is something they do that will annoy the crap out of me, to the point that I will despise them. I never wish badly on anyone, but with them I wish they would just get away from me.

For example, in 2004, in August, I met some friends for a night of drinks and dancing at the white Cuba Libre in Philly. I was meeting work friends and meeting their friends. This one guy, I renamed him Retarded Guy, was a little odd. He seemed a little too into the whole latino dancing scene. I mean he took lessons with his ex-girlfriend. Weird. I let that go as maybe they are friends and probably sex buddies on the side. Whoever said they have never done that is lying! Retarded Guy (R.G.) asks me to dance, I only met him 10 minutes before, so I obliged. His dancing moves were very rehearsed, but what got me was that he had his leg on my crotch and was grinding my leg. That is so disgusting. Hello to white men, Latin dancing is sensual and can get heated but never does it mean actual rubbing like in hip-hop dancing/grinding at the other bars. From that point, I knew that guy was weird. So fast forward a couple of months when I am dating Mr. California and he calls up R.G. to see if he wants to hang out with us. R.G. says sure and asks what they should do. Mr. Cali jokingly says lets go to a strip club. Well, Mr. Cali was joking, but R.G. gets mad and never calls him again. R.G. was pouting over the phone. Is he weird? HELL YEAH.

Now I have encountered another weirdo. This guy is too smug for his own good. He perceives to know everything, but I wonder whether he really does. I saw him in class, he kept looking at me with his smug look on this face. What the hell? The first week I met him, I noticed he was odd. He's very homophobic and that is normal in everyday stupidity, but not in Education. He has to at least fake his openness to other sexualities. I'm going to keep watching him and waiting for more of the weirdness to come out. His new name is Water Boy (WB). It fits him perfect. I'm watching the Water Boy.

I have just finished reading the article about someone's love life in the Fashion & Style Section of the New York Times. Hmmm... makes me wonder if I have one of those.

Please read http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/09/fashion/sundaystyles/09love.html

Lately, I have been having some trust issues with my significant other. I wonder about his capacity to work, his ability to save money, his communication style. I am losing trust in these important aspects of a relationship because when I broach the subject of money he gets defensive and yells. Maybe it's from the fact that the other woman before me spent his money and he let her abuse his love. I wonder.

Aside from his blow ups about money, I love him dearly. I think this one part of our relationship that stinks. I wish we could plan things out instead of having to scramble when bad things fall on us. I really get worried and play my horrible "what if game."

What if...
I lost my ability to work?
I became pregnant?
I never make enough money to support the both of us?
We get so serious and then we figure out we can't be together?
I get an amazing job in Northern California, Arizona, NM, will he go?
I lose him and we never see each other again?

The man is so important to me. Explaining would be so hard and since I'm truly not a writer, I can't. I get so angry sometimes. I want things to be done my way too. I like making food and deciding on domestication together. He doesn't care if he eats shitty Subway every day. How can we come to a compromise?

I have money issues. I mean, I LOVE saving money, hate spending all of it, and do not give to anyone unless I love them. With that said, my boyfriend is the complete opposite. I like to plan money out, plan how I am going save for items, I just like to plan! He likes to just see how it goes and I feel that is why we are still living at his parents. We go to CostCo. and spend about $45 on complete crap. I do not see the value in CostCo. unless you own a business or have a family of 100. Otherwise, shop at the grocery store. It's a huge committment to eat there stuff. You buy chicken for a whole village instead of 2 people. It's completely ridiculous. It's one of the things I hate about California. I hate many things. My list could go on forever and here goes...

1. The highways- They are endless and you never see the true cities.
2. The traffic- I do not see the appeal of being in 2 hour traffic for work. I came here forlove. God help me. That's my excuse for being in southern California.
3. The people- The difference between the East Coast and West Coast is that people in the East will tell you to your face that you suck, while in the West, people will smile and say you are great and behind your back they will say you suck. I prefer the East Coast way, at least you know where you stand.
4. Food- It's absolutely horrible here. Even the chains suck. I miss the little italian joints and the big greasy pizza. The pizza is too spongy and has no taste. The mexican food is even bad. The same old shit all day long. No variety. You would think that there would be a ton of different choices considering the melting pot, but no.
5. The people who multiply like rabbits. Use condoms! It helps!
6. Cheap people who think taking private tennis lessons is a waste. Trust me, you need it.
7. Drivers who do not check their blind spot.
8. The horrible smell on the highway when you pass cities.
9. The lack of culture in each city. I swear each city is almost the same. They all have McDonald's and Fridays.
10. The lack of real movie theatres in cities that have at least 200,000 people. California, you multiply like rodents! You would think that there would be creative people in those cities. God Damn this place!

I teach a one credit class, a tennis class, and I wonder if I am being too hard on my students. I returned their critiques, their opinions on a match, because the langauage was too informal. Also, the whole page of a one page critique wasn't used. I explained in detail the most important thing is that formal language is the most important.

Am I the bitch of a teacher?

For people who have been together, are committed, monogamous, do you ever feel that one family always has its two cents in your relationship? As if the man's family can see no wrong in his doings. Lately, I have had the chance to experience this first hand. I have been able to spend quality time with his family every single day for the past six months. Usually I adore them, but this weekend I had my fill of families. Back in Philadelphia, I never felt like I needed a break from my family, but I guess that is from the fact that I was 1500 miles away. Here, I miss family more because his family is nothing like mine. Sometimes, I feel that I can mix the family with the boyfriend quite well. We mix well together and have a good time- like a great mojito from the Islands and sticky weather. Sometimes, we don't mix well, like a hangover from cheap wine. I don't get it sometimes and it's hard to be nice when you face hostility from out of nowhere.

I wish he could spend more time to be with my family though only as a payback ritual. I wish he could spend hours with people and feel what it is like to miss your family, your dad, your town, your memories. His reaction to my reactions would be completely different. He would understand my shoes and the smell of cheap wine that I encounter sometimes.